I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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