Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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