but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
