Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
