i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
