i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
