Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
