so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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