i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
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