Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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