Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
