Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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