He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
