i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
