remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
The uberlube is also flammable
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
