Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
