jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
