Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
