How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
