Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
