Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
