farters have to be the big spoon...
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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