how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
