My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
