I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
