You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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