Soap is not a condiment
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
