You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
