clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
