After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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