So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
