You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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