she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
