found the other keg... it's in the tree
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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