either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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