i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
