Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
