well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
