I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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