The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
