sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
my shit smells like andre
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
