Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
