I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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