just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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