1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
420 ftw
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
