i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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