You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
