how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
