help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
