I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Im part way to drunk.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
