Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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