If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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