Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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