In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
