I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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